Wednesday, May 7, 2008

A Fixer-Upper...


Remodeling is a funny word.  What it's true definition is has yet to be determined and will only ever be fully understood by those poor individuals naive enough to not know the difference between a good idea and a really stupid one.  It starts out with the fantasy of making the ugly beautiful, of choosing your paint colors and flooring, and building something wonderful with your own two hands. However, it ends in utter denial leaving you forever questioning your own sanity.  

What remodeling truly means is living in an unfinished home with your life in limbo because no, you can't finish decorating the living room until you know how the color scheme is going to work out in the dining room, but you can't choose the color scheme in the dining room until you know how much paint you are going to have left over from the bathroom which is presently on hold until the plumber comes to finish installing the fixtures which means that you are currently brushing your teeth in the kitchen sink also doubling as your kids' bathtub since the tile just got ripped out of your other bathroom.  You may have told yourself that you can live with anything, if only for a few months.  What you didn't know is that a few months really means that number times 10.5.  That will be the actual date of completion.  

Another factor commonly miscalculated on the grand adventure of home makeovers is money.  You may think you have your project planned out to the penny.  Soon after tearing out the floors in the entire house you realize that you no longer like the idea of carpet in the living room and decide to go with 4", pre-finished, Brazilian cherry hardwoods instead.  You whip out your calculator, grab your trusty notebook and lower the number you have given yourself for kitchen cabinets so that you are still on budget.  That was simple enough. Then you come to doing the kitchen cabinets.  At this point you realize that you can't go with the pine you had chosen to make up for the price of the wood floors.  NOW you really think that cherry cabinets would best compliment the new floors and you have to go with what looks best because you are going to live here for the rest of your life.  This endless process continues throughout the remodel.  By the end (really there is not "end" you just decide to sell the house hoping some other idiot will see your homes "potential" and take this disaster off your hand) you have thrown out your trusty notebook altogether and have surrendered yourself to the idea that you will spend your retirement in a cardboard box. At least that won't need to be remodeled.  

Today I learned that paint always looks better on the paint chip than on your walls!

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