Monday, May 19, 2008

Laws of Motherhood...


In science and math, there are laws that always hold true.  Facts that don't change no matter what the condition or who is applying said principals.  We-mommies know that there is also a set of laws that highlight our lives.  Today, we'll be discussing the 6 Laws of Motherhood. These six laws are quite significant and universally true.  Every mother has, at some point, or soon will, experience each law and each time the result is the same...a feeling that you-mommy are, indeed, the worst mommy in the whole world! They are as follows:

1. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong in a public setting and it is ALWAYS your fault.  

2. At any given point, you-mommy are only 5.3 seconds away from a new disaster. 

3. When you-mommy are in a hurry to get ready, makeup and hair are impossible!

4. The more important the occasion, the higher the number of stains that will be deposited onto your outfit before walking out the door.  

5. You-mommy only need all that crap in your diaper bag when you-mommy forget the diaper bag at home. 

6. The entire house is only ever entirely clean when nobody is coming over.  The one time in your adult life that you-mommy sit down in the middle of the day before all your cleaning is done to finish watching that movie you-mommy started to TRY to watch over a week ago that is the time your husband comes home early, your in-laws drop by for a surprise visit and your neighbor comes over to return the cake pan she borrowed two years ago.  

I am sharing the 6 Laws of Motherhood so that mommies will longer be embarrassed by the effect of these laws.  Whether you-mommy experience one of these laws or all of them at the same time you-mommy can rest easy knowing that there are other mommies all over the world experiencing them as well.  Just smile at whomever is staring at you and move on...

Today I learned that toddlers eat anything as long as it has ketchup on it.

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